Day 90 Mission Complete

Whew! I made it! I came pretty close to my goal of 90 classes 90 days with 87 classes total.

Today I did a Flow 1 from 6-7:30 with Pippi. It was a pretty funky class. Once again WAY too overcrowded and the woman next to me was oozing the smell of booze from every pore in her body. It was pretty nauseating.

I will never ever get used to walking into a hot sweaty smelly room and being told to "inhale deeply." I honestly must have some kind of germ thing because it truly grosses me out. It's no different than going to the gym where people don't wipe off the machines or when you sit down on a toilet that someone has pissed on. Disgusting.

The class was completely full and this made people talk over one another while they were setting up for class. It felt like camp. Giggling, "OMG's" and lots of complaining. I was having a very hard time concentrating. There was also a feeling of being in movement class at a performing arts college. A lot of "make your own sounds" (of which every actor and basic spaz took advantage of) which I don't usually mind. When in an acting coaching class event.

Truth be told, I was hoping for a more serious practice to finalize my 90 day project. I wanted to feel graceful and peaceful. Not silly and wild. I know a lot of people enjoyed the class and the chance to act out while doing Yoga but I was saddened. Cest la vie.

I know that I want to keep Yoga as a continual practice because when I am involved my joints ache less, my mind is more clear, I sleep better and I am calmer in general. I don't know if I'll be doing it every day but I definitely want to go at least 3 times a week.

Thank you everyone for your support and comments. It meant a lot to me. I will post occasionally about how it's going so please keep in touch.

Namaste

Day 89 rinse and repeat...

What a weird day.. in trying to catch up I did 3 classes today. Meditation at 12 at the Deepak Center, Meditation at Sonic at 2:00 and then Flow 1 with warrior woman from 5:45-7:15. A huge difference in styles. DC center is all dark and focuses on the candle while Sonic's meditation today was focused on breathing and chakras. I like the mini classes at Sonic. They are always so informative. (I think because the only people who go to meditative are students of the program)

Tonight's class was awesome. I really think WW is my favorite teacher by far. She was the very first teacher and class that I had and has by far spent the most amount of time with me answering my questions and just talking about the process of my practice. I still can't do a forearm headstand and want to so badly! I know that there are some people who may never have it, but I hope I'm not one of those people. I do know that the likelihood of me doing a crazy split while in it is not too good...:-)

Tomorrow culminates my 90th day. I can't believe how fast the time flew by...

Day 88 Ohm Ohm good

Ahhhh is all I have to say. I did two yoga classes today. Both meditative. I feel pretty mellow now and am a bit bummed that I have to get revved back up to do a show in a few hours. Both classes were at the Deepak Center and I think they only have 3 people who do the meditation classes. I've been going awhile and have only seen the three. Both times today were tiny rasta chick. She asked me if there was something bothering me especially since I came to both classes. I told her about my blog and she thought it was awesome.

I guess it is awesome but I don't feel awesome. Well not as awesome as i thought I'd feel. I need to incorporate this into my almost everyday lifestyle and not think about it. Or have to blog about it to do it...

Day 85 -86-87 3 for 1?

Ok so the wedding weekend wasn't exactly the carefree time I'd imagined and I didn't get in any class. So that puts me 5 behind now.

I took class tonight and it was a pretty funky experience. There were 38 people in the class! I literally banged my foot against the door about 5 times. I purposely chose the very last row near the door because the room because the class before was packed and once again the sickening thick air was almost unbearable!! I don't understand why they can't air the room out between classes even if it's just for 3 minutes. Seriously. there is no way breathing that in is good for you.

I know I harp on this a lot but it happens a lot. Even with my own mat, I get other people's sweat from the floor. Anna Kournakova was teaching and she was doing a lot of sun salutations. Her suggestion was to dedicate our practice to someone who needed help. even if it was us. I skipped out on the headstands and opted to stretch my back in a few assisted bridge poses. Nothing relieves lower back pressure like that.

I'm pretty beat and know I'll sleep good tonight...

Day 84 Meditate and procrastinate

Well I managed to get in a meditation class today which is good because I will need it for this weekend! I leave in a few hours to drive upstate for a wedding. I've managed to wait until the very last minute to pack and I feel like I will forget something.

I can't believe that I am almost at the end of my journey here. This week is going to be hard to catch up I have to admit. I have a big show on Friday night and have planned rehearsals all week. Maybe I will have the guts to do an EARLY class as well as an evening class to catch up! We'll see. Right now I am gearing up for the weekend and will try as I said before to get in an online workout at least.

Day 83 Just Breaaaathe...

I am very aware that my 90 days are up in one week. I took two classes today. Meditation at noon and Flow 1 at 6pm. It felt great to meditate with a group again even if it is with mostly business people. Why should that matter? I don't know. I don't even know why I said that. there's that judgment again! *sigh* I guess that's why they call it a practice and not a perfect.

The flow class was with Pippi and as usual she had nothing but great energy. I was still a bit weary after last night and felt less confident than I normally would. I am having balance issues again. I've noticed that as soon as I REALLY let go and make my mind blank I'm steady... but the minute my mind wanders *BOOM* down I go.

I've also noticed that when I am in wheel I can't exhale. That's right. I can't exhale! The part that is supposed to relieve the tension I can't do. It feels like the breathe that I hold keeps me in position and as soon as I let go there will be no support... Wait a cotton pickin minute... can this be a metaphor of how I'm afraid to release in my own life? I can't think of anything that I haven't confronted but I must be open to that possibility.

I'm glad to be back in class. I leave again this weekend for a wedding. Yes, on Halloween. And no, it isn't themed (must to my chagrin.) I plan on taking class tomorrow and doing downloaded class on Sat and Sun unless i get back in time for the 5:45 class.

Day 82 whew!!!

Wow. I went to class tonight after not going for almost a week and my body let me know it did NOT appreciate it. It was by far my least favorite class out of every class I've taken. Since I started my journey, I've incurred a few injuries and weak spots. I am very aware of these spots especially my right knee and left ankle. My right knee I've somehow managed to get a slight tear in the ligament. It's curious because I can move a million ways but when it's just the riiiiight spot it's excruciating...

This particular class was going to be done by Warrior Woman but she had an emergency and asked Earth Mama to step in. Normally I like her align classes and figured that since this was Flow 1 I'd be good. I was wrong. I was already feeling vulnerable from missing class and had in general, a very emotional day. The practice was going to be "Poses that scare you" in the spirit of Halloween. I was immediately pissed. I wanted a normal class where I could ease into my poses and feel good about what I was doing. Instead it was every pose that I completely suck at. Head stand, forearm stand, crow, side crow, yogi splits and back bends.

I tried very hard not to be upset especially when she asked us to breathe in "Peace" and exhale "Judgment and Expectations." As much as I hate to admit it, I'm built around judgement and expectation. I "expected" class with flow. I "judged" EM for changing the routine because she thought that's what WW does around this time of year. I expect that I will be honest in my practice but I judge myself when I can't execute what I see in my mind and feel in my heart. Peace seems much less exhaustive.

I also had a person next to me who was a teaching/student who was taking class. She was telling me how to pose and where to put my hands and every suggestion was incorrect and set my wrists on fire. EM even came over during one adjustment and told the asst to stop. I know she was trying to help but my perception was different. It didn't feel nurturing.

To make matters worse we were facing each other for some reason which always bites. It's too hard to find Drishti (eye focus) when you're a foot away from two peoples faces. The back of a head doesn't draw near as much energy to the eye as a face.

It did feel amazing to do a lot of the poses and I absolutely need to start practicing everyday again. My body needs it. My poor body.

To my body:

I'm sorry that I treat you so poorly. You may be weak for now but please, please, never give up trying. You make movement and life possible. It's a dishonor to your gift I know, but have mercy because I want you to be my temple.

Days 75 - 81

So let's see if I can catch up here...

Monday the 19th did the 3-4 student class. Only an hour...

Tuesday the 20th I only did meditation at lunch.

Weds 21 I did the 5:45-7pm class which is definitely my favorite class. Stacy rocks!

Thursday 22 I didn't do any class.. I left for California to celebrate my Gma's 80th Bday

Fri the 23th no class

Sat the 24th no class Gma's Party in Calif

Sun 25th no class

Mon 26th no class travel 11-10pm

So, that puts me 5 classes behind in my 90 day program. I will do my best to catch up. I REALLY miss how I feel after class and am confident that I will catch up..

Day 72, 73, 74

What a crazy weekend! I had a show on Friday night and went to meditation at 6pm. This was the first time I went on a Friday night. It was pretty full despite the shitty weather and I was ready to relax before a long night ahead. It is really hard to force yourself to try and slow things down when you have a million things on your mind. A few instructors have said that's a true Yogi.. one who can just shut off in an instance. I am not one of those people. I want to be one but I'm not as of yet.

Saturday was a day of absolute relaxation. I had the intention of going to class at 11:45 but woke up at 11:30 and decided against it. I should have gone though. My feet were absolutely killing me from the night before teetering in 6 inch heels and I honestly couldn't imagine myself putting pressure on the balls of my feet in low lunge. Just thinking about it made me wince. But, I still should have gone. I am now one class behind and will be doing quite a bit of traveling and that always poses a challenge.

Today's class was needed. I had an extremely emotional morning with a family member and found myself physically ill and sore from tension and stress. I was not feeling anywhere near what I usually do and one of the aides picked up on it. She asked if everything was ok and it felt good to have genuine concern. It also felt good to be noticed as being vulnerable. So many people find it difficult to have empathy or sympathy for someone who is struggling. Myself included. I am making a vow today to be more aware of how people need to be talked to so that that good karma will come back to me.

Day 70, 71 and 72

What?? 3 entries in one?? What's going on??? I'll be honest I'm having a rough time coming home and writing about my yoga these days.

Tues- Did meditation at Deepak Chopra with a new girl. She was about 4'10 (I'm not kidding) with dreads down to her but. There was another dreadlocked gal who taught before but this new girl had obviously been growing hers for over a decade... No violent thoughts that day. I also stayed to help clean up the room for some reason. I felt like that little woman couldn't do it all by herself. I'm sure I was wrong...

Weds- Had an amazing class with The Warrior instructor. She has by far given me the most in depth attention and answers all of my questions. She talked in depth about the Jalandhara Bandhas. This simultaneously keeps keening, rooting and engaging the systemic plethora of processes that constitute bodymind and with diligence resolving them in discipline and accord. Uh yea.. it means breathe holding and muscle manipulation basically. She was excellent at explaining it and also very hands on which I love. She is to me the most genuine non ego person who teaches. Earth Mama is pretty cool too. Anna is pretty cold but maybe she's just a private person...

Thurs- Crazyyy day for me and I only did the lunchtime hour flow class. It is really weird to do it in such a small time. As much as I look forward to laying in Savassana my body and mind are used to the 90 minutes it takes to truly get through it all. I'm interested in the math of yoga. It seems like there are a set amount of "reps" that one does of each pose. I will have to be sure to check and see what's up with that. I have a pretty full weekend ahead of me and am going to keep saying to myself ...

"This time you set aside is for you. For you to be healthier, to clear your mind and allow your body the attention it deserves."

Day 68 and 69

Weekend and Holiday Yoga feels different for some reason. The Sunday meditation I took was awesome enough but I couldn't shake feeling tired the rest of the day. It just seemed like I needed to be lazy or something. I don't believe it though. I need to move! I need to stretch , I need to push myself. I want so badly to crave a workout. I don't. Maybe I'm just not that type of person? Maybe I'm a lazy ass by nature. Maybe it's my size?

Tonight's Asana class I also felt lazy. My mind wasn't focusing in on what I was doing or enjoying the discovery of space and flexibility within myself. I kept thinking about Savasana. I also have noted that since it's cold outside I feel different inside. I absolutely can't stand walking in after a sweaty ass long class that just happened (like tonight) it is so gross to smell and inhale everyone's expelled toxins and sweat. I avoided the thick black mat (I've yet to buy my own) because they were basically dripping and the floor was disgustingly slick. Will I get over this??

When we made it to Savasana I got cold. The sweat on my body and the fan that provided so much comfort in the summer now made me cold when the air hit my skin. I put my blanket across myself and then suddenly remembered the class I took Friday where a man was using his blanket as a sweat towel.. GROSS!! I wanted to be the Yoga police but for some reason didn't say anything.

It's getting harder these days in the cold, when my joints ache even more and temperature drops...

Day 66 and 67

I am now doing two entries at a time. My love of rushing home to enter my class experience is waning... I took my favorite class last night at Sonic; Center the instructor was one I hadn't had yet and she was awesome. I hated the fact that the class was 15 minutes behind schedule and found myself very antsy. I tried my best to remain mellow but it was hard. I didn't want to be in class until 9:30! Of course I stayed and took the whole class and was glad I did.

Today I went to do meditation at the Deepak Chopra center. Today was the smallest class I'd ever been in by far. There were only 6 people. Someone was snoring the whole time which made it difficult for me to concentrate. I have found my mind wandering to very violent thoughts when I take meditation class there. I can't figure it out. What does that mean????

I'm rounding out the final part of my yogic project and can't help but wonder what my practice will be like after the project is over...

Day 64 and 65 Whirlwind

I found myself being pulled in many different directions these past two days. Tues was full of appts but I was able to get to a meditation class. The first ones of the week are always less crowded and I met a woman named Mary who said she loved my bicycle :-) That's always nice to hear.

Today was crazy as well and I went to go to the Donation class at 3-4 but it was cancelled. I HAVE TO REMEMBER TO SWITCH MY CALENDAR TO THEIR TEACHING SCHEDULE!!! Now I am behind. I don't like to go more than two days between Asana practice because I feel creaky and achey. I have a rehearsal tonight right in the middle of the last class offered. I am looking forward to taking class tomorrow.

Day 63 My tree sways a bit...

So far October is proving to be a month of strength and health awareness. Today I decided to go to the Donation Flow class (one of the few still being offered since Sonic is on their teacher/student schedule) and the acrobatic lady was teaching. I swear she's a person who could actually "fly from a trapeze with the greatest of ease." When she says "step, jump or float up to top of your mat" she really does float! Today in tree pose I was able to hold my leg on my calf instead of my ankles while I looked up at my "branches."

I did better today physically and focus wise. I think weekdays with less people fit me best as far as Asana goes. My insides stayed put. The class was only an hour, moving pretty quickly and emphasizing breathing techniques. I catch myself holding sometimes and that honestly defeats the work. It's strange to have less time. I'm not sure how I feel about it. I'll have to take a few more and reevaluate later.

Fall is definitely approaching and I wonder how different things will feel as the temperature drops. In a class a few days ago Pippi said fall brings frenetic energy with the wind and leaves swirling. Is there a bustle in my hedgerow?

Day 62 "Please don't squeeze the Chakra"

I woke up early this morning despite having been up pretty late for my standards (2:30 am.)

I am still having some digestive issues and wanted to take it easy so I went to the DCC for 12-1 meditation. The weekend crowd is a bit different for sure. There were about 15 people and the guide was Tara, the tiiiiiiny dread locked woman who seems to be who teaches most. We did the alternate nostril breathing thing and my stomach started acting up again. I could feel it...

It's already weird enough when your in a room full of people and you have to go but in a completely quiet room with no lights and just a candle where everyone is completely still? Almost impossible. It wasn't that I was embarrassed at having to use the bathroom it was that I would be harshing a lot of folks relaxation by moving, crossing the room, opening the door, letting in light and repeating that process on my return. So, I just kept breathing and trying to hone in on my bowels. Really feeling where they were and trying to let it be without holding. Gross I know, but I had 30 more minutes... Of course it it had become painful I would have left and waited outside until class was over to retrieve my things.

Fortunately enough I made it till the end of class and to a bathroom. Honestly next to itching a scratch rarely is there such a feeling of relief. Men talk about this a lot. Why can't I express that same joy? I was there for a minute and felt bad that there was a woman outside waiting to use the toilet. I gave her a sheepish smile instead of declaring like John Witherspoon from the movie "Friday" when he exits waving a magazine saying: "woooo-ee I wouldn't go in there for awhile if I was you."

Another social stigma but one I don't mind keeping...

Day 61 Excuse me while my crap my pants

What a strange day today was. I spent most of the morning talking with my husband and then making my dress for the New York Burlesque Festival. I was smack in the middle of said production when I realized I planned to go to the 1-2:15 Align class. It was about 12:30 and I started to play games with myself... "ok you can take two classes tomorrow, just finish your dress" and "no one will know if you skip a day especially since you're still sick..." I decided to just get dressed and leave then.

I don't like the fact that I still have to convince myself to do something that's so good for me. I went to class and stayed in the back because I knew I would be resting a lot. I had no idea it would feel like the first day of my practice. I found myself getting dizzy trying to look up, feeling nauseous in twists and during the middle of class I had to go to the bathroom IMMEDIATELY.

I know I've been sick the past few days but not my stomach. I once heard that yogi's believe all sickness starts in the stomach/intestine/colon. I've always had issues in this department and have hopes that a regular practice will help with this. After I returned to class I resumed some movement but mostly stayed in Viranasana or Hero's Pose mostly because it's good for digestion and in some part because I could just get up quickly if I needed to. Someone had REALLY bad gas (SBD's) and kept letting it go during class and this may have contributed to my nausea as well. It's amazing how much yoga twists your insides around encourages digestion.

I'm hoping I feel back to "normal" before tonight. I want to have a good time and not worry about where the closest bathroom is...

Day 60 2/3rds of the way there!

Today is day 60. Two months I have been doing my journey with daily practice of yoga. It's been crazy. It's been mellow. It's been both of those and more. I am in the midst of the flu. I started my day feeling pretty good but as it went on my throat began to hurt again and I felt cranky and tired.

I was going to "celebrate" by taking my 60th class with an Align 7:30-8:45 slot at Sonic. I decided to go to the Deepak center again and meditate at 6:00 instead. It was not nearly as full as the weekdays but still about 10 people. Tara was our guide and she was the first one of all my teachers who actually wore patchouli. A lot of people have asked me if the room smells like that..lol I wish! In Sonic class rooms it smells more like fresh wet earth and sometimes vegetable soup. At the Deepak Chopra Center it smells like incense. I haven't taken class there yet so perhaps it smells the same after a workout...

I feel like I cheated myself in a way but I also don't feel very well. I'm caught between being too hard on myself and wondering if I'm slacking. I still have about 10 minutes to make it but I just can't... No. I should be honest with myself. I don't want to go. I want to stay here now and curl up under my covers and wait for my husband to come home.

Day 59 I get by with a little help from my friends...

Tonight's Flow 1 class with Pippi was pretty good despite me having caught the cold that my husband had just this past week. My long time friend Mazz came with me and it was interesting to take class with her. She is supremely athletic and really great at pushing herself physically. She rocked the Bhujapidasana or Shoulder Press pose. It was awesome to see it right next to me.

I felt really crappy before I went and during parts of the class, but do feel better afterwards. I would like to know more information about practicing if your sick and if there is ever a time not to practice. Of course I got my period today as well so I'm on a double whammy. I didn't do any inversions because of that but know tomorrow may be a bit rougher on my body as Day 2 for me usually is.

I can't believe that tomorrow is DAY 60!!!! What the?

:-)

Day 58 Don't hate meditate!

I was very glad to have meditation today. I have been in a foul mood this morning and it was just what I needed. Some weird changes are definitely happening to me. I can't explain it but I feel more aware than usual and it's kind of freaky. My dreams are more colorful and I can think a bit more clearly. I am going to meditate on my own in the mornings with the mantras that the DCC uses

Who am I?

What do I want?

What is my purpose?

Tomorrow my good friend Mazz is going to be taking class with me.I'm excited to share this experience with a friend...

Day 57 Doctor Ganesh will see you now

Today was a good day. I went to meditation class at 12 and this time the room was totally packed! There must have been 25 people in this small room all wanting to rid themselves of stress, bad memories and fears. We were literally knees next to knees which is curious with total strangers. I really don't want someone else's energy unless it's good energy.

My mind darted all over the place but always came back to my Mantra inhale Ease... exhale Fear... I have to say, I love starting my day with this calming activity. I do feel like my day goes smoother when I begin it with positivity. That sounds sooooo gay. Like 4th grade gay, not same sex marriage gay... anyway... I'd like to think that I could do meditation every day in addition to Asana practice and think I will try it.

I went to the orthopedist and got another cortisone shot for my trigger finger which will make my thumb and point finger and the cul de sac of skin inbetween pretty sore for the next few days... I spoke to him about my elbow and was diagnosed with... ukulele elbow! Actually they call it tennis elbow but mine is from playing uke not a back hand! Go figure. I will have to start modifying in class to help these injuries heal quicker.

Physician heal thyself.

Musician? you're fucked :-)

Day 56 Dance, Dance Yogalution

A cold, wet rainy day. I did the community class today from 3-4. The instructor was a new one which is why I went at that time. I'll call her Martha (after Graham.) She did these wide sweeping hand movements that when combined with warrior 2 looked a lot like a plie in second position. Her whole approach was very dance oriented.

It was a pretty full class and only lasted an hour. I was surprised at that and I actually found myself wishing there was more time.

One of the things I like about Yoga is that it's somewhat circuit training based. Certain poses put with others to give different parts of the body a stretch. We did an amazzzzzzzzing shoulder roll opener which opened me up to a place that was obviously a hysterical one. As soon as we began to come out of the right side and switch to the left I found myself giggling like crazy. I have no idea why. But I laughed for about a minute. I always think of Hanuman when I laugh in Yoga. Not because he's funny in actions (au contraire, he led an army of Monkeys to fight the demon king Ravana) (perhaps inspiring Wizard of Oz?) but because he always looks like he's smiling :-)

No one acknowledged my outburst. That probably would have been too weird. Like I always say.. It's a private practice in a public forum. One thing worth mentioning though... upon hearing what was a pretty loud emission of gasses from someone in the room, the instructor said "Woohoo! I just heard a great fart!" I guess I stand corrected on the previous post where I said no teacher would mention it!

Day 55 Yoga. I does it. Nuff said

Day 54 I been around the block. Try it . You'll like it.

Today's Align class from 1-2:15 was awesome. It felt great to stretch mah bones after two days of no Asana. I wasn't nearly as flexible on my left side today as my right so I used a block.

These blocks are provided by the studio and help people get into deeper stretches and poses. They are also fantastic for alignment since they offer a bit more balance.

I find that sometimes I put to much stress on my legs and knees in Extended Triangle Pose or Utthita Trikonasana and the block relieves a lot of that problem. It's also really good sitting on during meditation because it straightens your spine, opens your hips and relaxes the sits bones.

Emme was teaching today. She has such an awesome smile. She is very laid back in her own person and it pours over into her teaching. I like that she asks questions during class. A lot of the time it feels as if the questions are not to be answered but pondered. Even the beginning of class has a usual "So, how is everyone doing today?" and maybe 3 people out of 25 will say something. However, everyone always gets down with the Ohmmm. Go figure.

My husband is feeling better but I stayed by his side as much as I could and only left for class and to get more supplies; Puffs Plus, OJ, soup and green tea Mohci. I think we'll download some movies, snuggle up and maybe I'll even give him a massage to work out some of that stuff. I think perhaps I avoided getting what he has partly because of my new yoga regimen. It focuses me, releases more energy therefore helping me sleep better which in turns keeps me healthy. Whew!

I think I might get some of those blocks for home use. They feel uh. may. zing when you lay one between your shoulder blades and lie back on it... *drool*

Day 53 In sickness and in health

My husband is very sick. Like, he-asked-me-to-look-up-Dengue-fever-because-he'd-been traveling-and-couldn't-shake-the-chills-and-sweating kind of sick. I felt terrible and stayed home to nurse him. I'd made plans to go to a class from 3-4:30 because I thought he'd be home from work by 5 but he came home early and sounded like he needed some comforting. So I stayed.

I will make up the class by adding an extra meditation this weekend.

Day 52 Sex, Yoga and Violence

Today was a noon meditation day at the D.C.C. Tara was leading everyone and unlike the other two women who'd taught she didn't put a candle in the center of the room. I'd always thought it was just for a sense of light so no one would freak out if they nodded off and woke up wrapped in a blanket in some basement room. It's actually for concentration. There is a certain type of candle meditation practice called Tratak. It is said that it's extremely beneficial to reenergizing the mind.

There were about 10 people today 4 men the rest women and of every walk of life. I had a hard time today even though no one was talking like the last time... I found myself having these incredibly violent thoughts. In and out they flowed. One minute.. one of the people meditating in the room was going to open fire and kill everyone just to make a point that even folks meditating for peace and calm are screwed. The next minute? Inhale "Soooooo" exhale "Huuuuuuum." It was really weird.

Somebody farted. Twice. I doubt any yogi would acknowledge those things because it would seem rude but I know they think it. That brought me to thinking about just letting go and that some dude could just jerk of under his blanket with his eyes open, watching all the women in the room with their eyes closed and mouths parted. Inhale "Sooooooo" exhale "Huuuuuuuum"Sex and violence and meditation? Damn, my subconscious is riddled with dirtiness eh? I couldn't help but think that I was absorbing some of the peoples fears and thoughts as well. I wondered if there were any yoga programs for prison. Turns out, Yes... that's awesome.

I liked the pic above of what looks like some kind of county uniform and thought the irony of the orange jumpsuits with what orange represents with the shakras. Maybe if more people knew about thee color affectations they might change their minds. And color choices... http://www.gemstonegifts.com/Colors/orange.htm

It is an extremely different experience than at Sonic. All the folks there are serious yogis and at the D.C.C it's housewives and businessmen. Which is awesome don't get me wrong! However, it makes it hard to concentrate when energies are flying and not honed in on one purpose.

Geez that sounded like I'm gonna go vegan, stop shaving and eat wheat germ...

not

just

yet

Day 51 Shiva ling a ding dong

Today was the last Community donation class from Weds 3-4 with Amelie for awhile because Sonic is starting a new teaching semester. Today she said she wanted us to dedicate our practice to good byes. Saying good bye to both good and bad situations, people, agendas etc... this was difficult for me because I have a tendency to hold on to things, to work it for everything it it's got.

This is not always good.

It's like clamping your jaws down on a sore tooth, it relieves the pain but as soon as you ease up it's back and pulsing stronger than before.

Letting go is the answer. It sounds so easy. Let go.. wheeeeeeee. Um. I wish. I did however remain focused even though we were in a circle again. I realized today that when the teacher speaks they aren't always asking for a comment or opinion. No one ever says anything DURING practice. Except me. I don't think I should do that any more. I don't concentrate as much. It's not a social class. Or is it?

Anyway, it was an all women class and that can feel pretty wild. There is one woman who was in class today who is unhealthily thin. I've seen her before and try not to judge her because she probably abhors what I look like or secretly thinks that she looks like me... Amelie spoke a lot about Shiva who is the Goddess of destruction but also rebirth from fire essentially. We did a few salutations of a pose she made up... basically holding poses like the depictions that so many books have. It was pretty trippy and I loved it.

At the end of class I wrote down what I wanted to say goodbye to...

it was feeling like I have to be perfect NOW...

I can dream can't I?

Day 50 "And then I says to her, I says...oh wait, class is starting! " "OM"

I went to the lunchtime Meditation practice at the Deepak Chopra center for my daily class. It was really packed. About 20 people this time. Usually there are about 5-8 but today everyone came out of the woodwork. or should it be came out of the concrete? Class was about to start and most people were relaxing and in position when two women came down the stairs jabbering away at how it was the "bitchy girl who quit" and "he was a total dick, didn't even call back" etc... going on and on as they put their shoes away.

When they entered the room I refused to open my eyes. I made an effort to remain in my zone. Guess what? The only seats left were next to me. They scooched two into one spot on my left and yammered on about how tired they were, didn't want to go back to work etc... and I just dove deeper into my breathing. The instructor (I'll call her Mave since she looked a little elfin like) turned down the lights and sat a candle in the middle of the room and sat in the last seat left in the room which was to the right of me. Her energy helped combat the hamster on the wheel energy coming from the other side.

She asked these questions:

Who am I?

What is my purpose?

How can I help people?

We meditated on each of those for 5 minutes a piece then went into our own mantras. I have been using inhale Ease exhale Stress. This one works well for me. I admit I drifted in and out but at the end I felt pretty good. The two women immediately resumed yammering " I just want to nap" ,"Really? I'm hungry let's go to lunch I want meat" "Can we stop by Jennifer convertibles first..."

I'm really curious to know, were these women who were able to let go completely then resume like that? That surely is a super power...

But please remember rule number VIII "Thou shall not txt, talk or tweet during class"

Day 49 Back in Baby's Arms

I don't think I've ever mentioned it before but one of my all time favorite poses is The Happy Baby or Ananda Balasana Pose this position feels amazing on the back, legs, arms, neck and nether regions.

It's weird, even after one day off I can feel a difference in my flexibility. My elbow is acting up again and I asked the teacher what she thought it was. "Hyper extension" she said. I will really have to concentrate on watching that because it's pretty painful in certain poses. I still think it could be my weight on the joints too. I am going to call the orthopedist about my trigger finger. I wonder how long I'd be out of commission after that surgery?

Tonight's class was Flow 1 7:17-8:45 with Anna K. I told her tonight that's what I refer to her as since we were chatting before class and she found out about my blog. "I get that a lot" she said. I bet because they're both blonde, athletic and natural beauties.

The class was packed to the gills. The room was drenched with the previous class's exhalations and sweat. The floor was slippery and all the mats slick. I got stuck in the very front again, right next to the speaker but before anyone noticed I faced it away from my face. I was not about to get blasted by sound and miss the cues again. The class moved pretty fast and I must say it seems like I don't even notice the 90 minutes anymore. Well, unless of course we're holding some crazy pose but I still have the daily "OK you HAVE to go, you made a commitment to yourself" instead of "Wow! I can't wait to do this!"

There was no meditation at the Chopra center today so I have to go dbl tomorrow instead... I am looking forward to seeing the lunch crowd again.

Day 48 Day off

I decided to take a full day off today. My husband is leaving for a week and I wanted to spend every moment with him. I know I could have downloaded another class to take with him but honestly I didn't want to. I am a bit worried that by taking days off (then doubling the next) that I'm turning into a slacker.

I love getting feedback from people I see and on this forum. It definitely helps motivate me.

Tomorrow is meditation and Align class...

Day 47 Downloaded Yoga Class with the Husband

Today was one of the first days I've had to spend with my husband all day so I asked him if he would take class with me and he said yes. We were going to go to Sonic and take class but I had the idea to try something new. We went to http://www.yogadownload.com and downloaded two Hatha classes. It was pretty cool!

There were no visuals (we chose that option) and the voice guided us through two different levels of class. It was a bit harder to concentrate since I was in my home but I closed my eyes every chance I had which helped fix that problem. My husband is pretty awesome at being serious when he wants to be and knows how easy it is for me to laugh so he was particularly great in this situation too.

In class you usually see a demonstration of the poses that the instructor shares so it was really weird to just hear directions instead for one of my favorite hip opening poses: Salamba Kapotasana or Supported Pigeon Pose. I thought the pace was perhaps a tad on the slow side but over all it was a good class. I think that this could be a God send for traveling somewhere you might not be able to take class. It's also encouraging since it's just you and the computer :-) I love spending time with my husband being physical and this was really great. I'm off to have a glorious evening with him now... Namaste...

Day 46 Friday, Sat Nam, Sunday

I had an amazing day today and sealed it up with a meditation class at 6pm. My right elbow has been acting up and I think I need to reevaluate some of my practice. I think I am doing something wrong because my elbows shouldn't hurt. Sometimes my ankles and wrists are sore but I'd always assumed it was because they are bearing the brunt of my weight. Anyone else ever experience this? Advice?

I posted on my Facebook page a link to my blog and got a lot of responses about people wanting to take class with me. Awesome! I hope they do. I'd love to take class at someone else's studio too. Anyone? :-)

I haven't seen my friend Dray in awhile and wonder how her practice is going. She is so beautiful and such a good natured soul that I miss her inspirational talks.

The Deepak Chopra center where I've been doing the free meditation classes/series is such a beautiful room. I'd like to take an actual class but it's strange, they charge by the length of the class $15-$20.

I am hoping to get my husband to a class this weekend with me... we'll see!

Day 45 Half Way There!

Ta dah! I finished my 45th class in 45 days! I took meditation at noon at the Chopak center and then an awesome new class called Prana Flow at Sonic from 4-5:30. Meditation was interesting as usual because of high contingent of business attire but really cool to meditate before I headed out to face my day.

The second class was taught by the Swami (I told you about him before, he's the one who usually teaches meditation on weds) he just got back from India and had that extra glow. The pace was very fast and I found myself getting mad, "okayyyy let's slow it down already!" but just when I'd be thinking I'd had enough we'd switch. I sweat a lot more than I had in awhile and it actually felt good.

I did the Wheel again today for 4 breathes so I'm almost to the goal of 5 which is exciting but my focus felt a little off. I am happy to report no dizziness during corpse pose tonight which rocks!

I feel positive and that excites me. I was getting worried for a bit about how freaky I was feeling. On to the next chapter of the journey...

Day 44 Community Class

One day away from the midway point. I took a Community class today from 3-4pm. There were 3 instructors (one leading two(Pippi and Emme) taking) and 2 other women as well as me. The instructor was someone who I'd only had once before and I'd forgotten her practice. She was soooo calm and was supremely encouraging. She'd made a comment about it seeming like a sleepover because it was all women and mostly friends. I liked that.

The practice was good. A few holding of the poses which I always find difficult even in Virabhadrasana II or Warrior II pose. It really takes a lot of breathing in a tense position to help the muscles and body relax. I heard once that a torture implement was to make people hold their arms up for extended periods of time and didn't understand until today.

We did class in a circle which I always find a bit intimidating to tell the truth. Emme was the woman across from me and she moves so beautifully that I wanted to emulate her fluidity. I was battling dizziness again today and tried to fling it from my being but it's hard. I kept going back and forth between "leave class" "stay in class" and I stayed.

I am extremely embarrassed at how much stress and my subconscious rules my world. I never imagined myself so frail. I wonder how much of it is because I seek the truths in my faults instead of just playing Ostrich. I don't want to be in the Matrix so to speak but I would love some balance.

I asked Pippi and Emme for some good chants to relieve anxiety and Pippi offered "So" on the inhale and "Hum" on the exhale which means "I am that" and then I'd remembered Rosie from Calif always using that in restorative classes. Emme gave me inhale "God" exhale "fear" which is pretty close to what I do chant on my own... inhale "stability" exhale "fear."

I had no idea that when I started this journey I would delve so deep in my mind. I thought it would just reduce my cholesterol, stress and weight while increasing my energy, stability and joint/tendon functions...

I will not be afraid.. I will continue my journey and come out the other side a better person for it...

Day 43 Relax and FREAK OUT

What an interesting day. I woke up glorious. Went for a great bike ride. Saw my therapist. Had a panic attack. Bought a friend a cute t-shirt and then went to Yoga. Flow 1 from 4:30-6pm had a minor panic attack during savassana or corpse pose (where you're just relaxing) WTF??

I suffered panic attacks horribly after a bout of Vertigo I had for over two years. Every time I felt dizzy or lightheaded I would immediately think I was going to start vomiting with the room spinning. Imagine being drunk on a carousel going 40 mph and you'll get the picture of how hard it is to contain yourself and relax when you suffer from this. The vertigo went away but the attacks still happen when I get too excited or worked up. And apparently this can mean Yoga. As I said a few days ago, Sept 11 (and the aftermath in NYC) had a huge effect on me and I think I'm still dealing with some of that crap.

The class today was taught by Mr Yoga ( I spoke about him in the first week of my Journey). Like the last time he was very funny and talked to everyone as if they were the best of friends. He told a story in the beginning about going to a party that he did not want to attend with his husband and how by the end of the night he was exhausted because he'd put so much energy into why he wasn't going to like it. The sheer fact of being aware of these thoughts about his angst etc was enough to exhaust him.

That's how I feel about my never ending brain. The thoughts, the subconscious, the chatter. Ok, let me be clear... there are no actual voices per se but in some ways, it seems almost better because then I'd know what was wrong. I'd have schizophrenia. Now? Just a busy mind.

I'd like to not think about too many things and I look to Yoga to help quiet my mind but today it just brought that energy up. That happened to me the last time I was on a treadmill. I was running at my fastest speed ever (after a gradual increase) and at one point the adrenaline worked against me. That isn't fair. "Life isn't fair" chimes the world.

Focus Focus Focus

Health Health Health

Ease Ease Ease

seriously. What a whack job I am. But then again, the only normal people in the world are the ones you just don't know very well yet

Day 42 Khaki Karma

It's hard to believe I am almost half way into my yoga journey. I've learned a lot of things about myself and my body. I learned that I'm flexible and dedicated and that I'm pretty hard on myself.

I've been enjoying the meditation practice as much as the Asana practice but wonder if there is a recommended cycle? 6 on one off etc... I don't want to think that I'm cheating myself in any manner.

Tonight was the free meditation from 6-6:30pm. It was the same woman from before. This time there was a woman in an office type pant suit and a guy in his button up and khaki's. It was a very NY scene. Business people doing their Yoga in a "New York Minute."

It may seem pretty surprising that a room full of tense people can relax together but honestly it makes it easier for me and I have a crazy fast brain that sometimes finds random things to trip out on. When a group of folks focus together it's pretty powerful.

Why did I just think of "light as a feather stiff as a board?"

Day 41 Newbies,Babies and Drumbeats

5:45-7:00 pm Center Class. It was Earth Mama (Emme) tonight and I saw the Earth Daddy (Ed) who brought the Earth Baby (Eby). Tonight was also live musician night. He was the same drummer as before. (although I thought I'd heard a guitarist was going to be there...) I've seen him taking class many times and he is very devoted.

I'll start with the live percussion aspect. It can make it easier to get into the super focus of trying new poses because the beats lift you. However, this can also make you feel that your personal energy is being dictated by the pulses and silences of the music. I gotta say some people might find it a little "hoodoo-guru." You know, all chanty and dippy and way too dorky, but if you really let yourself go and allow yourself a silly freedom it's on like donkey kong. One thing I absolutely hate about the percussion.. at the end of the meditation when we have our eyes closed he hits this loud ass bell/gong and I swear I said "fuck!" today when it happen. It really scared the shit out of me. It's waaay to jarring.

There was a woman who hadn't done yoga before next to me and she got very exasperated very quickly. I could hear her say stuff like "what did she say?", "why did I wear this?","I can't do that!" etc... Emme tried to help her but her own mind got in the way and she left after about 15 minutes of the class. We were doing Ardha Chandrasana or Half Moon Pose and she was having a hard time of it and felt embarrassed I think. I hope she comes back. I've been there. I was actually rocking pretty hard in class today I must say myself! I held these poses and was even able to look up at my hand... it looks easy but try it sometime!

The baby thing. I'll be truthful. When I saw her there I got nervous at first but let it go because I figured Ed and Eby were just there to say bye to Emme. Turns out Eby was staying. I have absolutely no problem with her being outside class (and applaud the fact that Sonic offers some sitting for parents who want to practice) but I don't feel good with her inside. I can't focus. I think of all my baby issues and it makes it hard. Especially when I hear her but she is adorable and obviously a blessing for Emme and Ed and how can I ignore that?

I love the class a lot but have to say tonight's experience was not too good.

Day 40 Ease the mind release the hamstrings

I sang at the opening of both NY Road Runners races this morning in central park and I came back home and felt really tired. I'm not usually up at 6:30 am to wait in the rain at the park from 8-10 am (although Jake Gyllenhaal literally ran into me.. wow is he gorgeous! Lucky Reese!) There is a huge difference between runner bodies and yogi bodies that's for sure. So many of the women were just skinny. sinewy. %6 body fat. I like the muscle and curve I see in yogis better I think. The editor of Fitness Magazine was there and it was great to see that she was a normal looking woman. Good shape but slight belly and a natural face.

Yesterday took an emotional toll on me and for the first time I was afraid to go to yoga. I know that it can unlock so many feelings and I didn't want that to happen. It's not that I'm afraid of expressing myself but I don't want to be known as "that chick who always cries in class." As soon as I wrote that it sounded like I am afraid to express myself. Damn brain. shut it!

Anyway, it was another day of meditation at the Deepak Center from 12-12:30pm . I am going back to Sonic tomorrow to do my favorite class Center and will plan my week of classes.

As I've said I looked into other studios and will be reporting on them this week as well. I must admit, after two days of not stretching I can tell a difference.. maybe I need to get down with my bad self! On the floor that is...

Day 39 Nine Eleven Community Meditation

The date September 11th has a lot of meaning for me. Not only was it a loss for America and all of humankind it was a devastating loss to me personally in many ways. I wanted to spend tonight's practice devoting energy to all who are affected by it.

I chose meditation class from 6-6:30 pm at the Deepak Chopra's Yoga center here in NYC. The space is awesome with all the things you'd find typical at a yoga center except the staff. They are all wearing beautiful burnt sienna colored smocks with creme slacks (yes I said slacks) and look more like aestheticians than receptionists. I think the fact that they also offer a slew of spa services it makes sense. All of the twice daily classes on meditation are FREE>

The actual room was absolutely stunning with dark wood floors and cabinets with a cool little alcove at the front. There were these trippy little back support chairs and blankets. I am used to sitting on mine but people in the class wrapped up in them. The leader was a woman named Tanya who looked Indonesian and had a soothing voice. She had everyone (6 women ages 30-60's and one man about 40) sit in a circle with a candle in the middle.

The instruction was to concentrate on the breathe and slow the pulse down. Usually I hear other people in class when we do these exercises but I could only hear me. In fact I felt like I was the only person in the room most of the time and when I was aware of other people it startled me. I tried to keep concentrating on inhaling Peace, Freedom, Ease and Forgiveness and exhaling Fear, Doubt, Loss and Anger. All of these thoughts and numerous visions swirling in my head but I managed to not fidget or get too sidetracked.

I have so many feelings inside that it felt good to send that energy out into the universe...

Day 38 I'd be Lion if I didn't say I wish I was losing more weight.

Today's Flow One 6-7:30 class was a curious one. Pippi taught and as usual her super positive energy and infectious smile made me relax. She asked the usual "do we have any injuries" when we were about to begin and she turned to me and said "anything else Shelly?" I was like whoa! It's curious that I wrote about not feeling part of the clique yesterday but when she said my name tonight I felt otherwise. My ego was happy to get recognized but then I felt like people were looking at me. Why do I feel in some part bad about being acknowledged? There goes that brain...

Pippi talked about the change in the weather and how being cool outside affects the body (and therefore the practice) then demonstrated modifications and offered some time to "do free form yoga, keeping the core engaged without being stuck in the breathe." This was fun but it made it hard for a spaz like me to concentrate. Flailing my arms and having oujai breathe was too hard so I did a few frog like things and a LOT of Simhasana or Lions Pose. This pose rocks! Maybe because I'm a Leo.. Maybe because I carry a lot of tension in my jaw and it releases like a mofo ( a monastery mofo :-) or maybe because it feels good to look like a freak show.

I put myself right up front again but there were so many people that she asked us all to move up a foot. This put me right in front of the speakers. We're talking like 6 inches from my face. It was so loud I couldn't hear what she was saying and since I never wear my glasses, I was all "what in tarnation is going on?" I will never be that close again. I've tried just about everywhere in the room except directly in front of the instructor and I doubt I'll do that anytime soon so front and to the right may be me for a bit.

Teachers often read passages or say awesome messages etc... and Pippi's message of the day was to recognize the things you want to change and allow yourself the freedom to imagine it, do it and be it. I know I have the freedom to choose. It's just choosing the right thing (calories) that I seem to have the problem with... I want to be losing more weight. I'm very happy in knowing that yoga reduces cholesterol, stress and joint pain but I want nice arms and a healthy stomach.

Stomach. Just seeing the word makes me think fat. Maybe because it's the beginning of the sound "st" as in stretch- and the ending of "ch" sound as in -mark. Healthy in shape women don't have stomachs they have "tummies." I'll settle for anything less than a gut. After all... I don't even like beer!

Day 37 Pre Meditated Non Meditation

I'm not sure how to start today. Bleh. Blehty blehty bleh. bleeeeehhhhhh! Ok now that that's outta the way I didn't go to class today. I decided to get some help with some music for a song I'm recording for a New Age album. This gig came to me during my Yoga journey and I bet some of this guy's music has been played in many a yoga studio or spa somewhere. I also got my awesome new end tables when I arrived home from rehearsal I started playing " this can here, and that can go there, and... and... and..."

Since Weds is usually my meditation day and I missed the 2-2:30 session, I called the Chopra Yoga Center because someone told me they supposedly have "free" guided meditation classes Tues-Fri at noon and 6 pm. I couldn't reach anyone but left a msg. I should have just ridden over there to see but I didn't.

This is the first time I'm not freaking about about making the class up. I know I will. It will probably be a meditative class as well as an Asana class though. The dbl body are off the block for a bit. It's time to maybe branch out to other studios to expand my practice...

Next week will be my 1/2 way mark and as I said before I left for California that when I got back to NYC I'm going to make some stricter dietary rules for myself. I need to get some of this body fat off in order to even see the muscles I'm developing...

Day 36 Big Wheel Keep on Turning.. Proud Shelly keep on burning

Yeay for me! I did the Urdhva Dhanurasana or Wheel Pose all by myself! I had tried last night and couldn't do it without a wall or blocks and today I just told my self I would do it and I did! It was Align class from 6-7:30 and Anna taught again. I am really beginning to dig her classes. The adjustments rock! I don't feel I like I'm part of the clique there yet but I also don't feel like I'm a complete dolt either. I felt like my kidneys were going to be squeezed out my sphincter and my throat being choked by extra flesh but I did it. Twice. Two breathes each. Watch out Crystal! I'm on my way to the goal you set of Wheel for 15 breathes 3 times a week!

There is one thing in Yoga I don't think I will ever get used to or like. That is the dampness. Not my own sweat, I've gotten over that and even enjoy seeing myself glisten. I'm talking about when you walk into the room after a class has taken place and even the floor is sweaty. Dis-gus-ting! They have these black mats for extra cushion and since people just put them right back onto the table what they just used, rotation is not plentiful so most of them feel like those mats you get at a water park before you haul ass down a huge slide.

I wouldn't call myself a germaphobe but I do not dig breathing in everyone's carbon monoxide all moist and especially that which has been locked into a room of 35 people in 250 square feet. I also hate thinking that my face is so close to where people's feet have been stomping and gripping and "webbing out to balance the pose." I talked about this before but it still gets to me.

I've decided I prefer taking class in the front. I get more into what I'm doing and feel the burn of a desire to be better a bit stronger. I don't have to watch anyone and it feels like it's just me. And Anna Kournakova. And her new soundtrack....

Day 35 Dig deep and see what you find

Labor Day. I tried to trick myself and say "Today's a day of rest." Uh, no it isn't. I've rested plenty. I need to go to class.

Tonight's class was taught by the girl I call Anna (Kournakova.) She is the one whose voice I love and who's music needed to be changed. Praise be! She changed it! I was ecstatic. I love her classes but the repetitive music was getting to be a huge turn off and now the problem is solved :-) She is always very hands on and today the class was small so I felt like I got extra attention.

The curious thing about being "adjusted" during class is that just when you think you can't stretch another centimeter someone guides you to a deeper pose. It's scary and exhilarating at the same time. I was doing the Extended Traingle or Utthita Trikonasana Pose and I felt like I honestly couldn't go any further she eased my shoulders back and my hips forward and POW! a whole new feeling. I can't explain what this feels like. Your mind is saying "There's no way in hell I can go any further" and your body just does it.

I think of how women lift cars off their children in accidents or men who are able to move concrete walls when a coworker is in danger. Adrenaline. But not the " we're gonna kick their ass this super bowl!" kind but the "I can do anything" kind. The body is so extremely fragile yet unbelievably strong at the same time. You can die from a spider bite but live after a shark bites your legs off. You can snap during a phone call with one customer service agent and find joy with 500,000 people celebrating New Years Eve in Times Square.

I've learned a lot this last 35 days but the number one thing is that even if I don't feel like going, when I do I feel so much better...