Day 82 whew!!!

Wow. I went to class tonight after not going for almost a week and my body let me know it did NOT appreciate it. It was by far my least favorite class out of every class I've taken. Since I started my journey, I've incurred a few injuries and weak spots. I am very aware of these spots especially my right knee and left ankle. My right knee I've somehow managed to get a slight tear in the ligament. It's curious because I can move a million ways but when it's just the riiiiight spot it's excruciating...

This particular class was going to be done by Warrior Woman but she had an emergency and asked Earth Mama to step in. Normally I like her align classes and figured that since this was Flow 1 I'd be good. I was wrong. I was already feeling vulnerable from missing class and had in general, a very emotional day. The practice was going to be "Poses that scare you" in the spirit of Halloween. I was immediately pissed. I wanted a normal class where I could ease into my poses and feel good about what I was doing. Instead it was every pose that I completely suck at. Head stand, forearm stand, crow, side crow, yogi splits and back bends.

I tried very hard not to be upset especially when she asked us to breathe in "Peace" and exhale "Judgment and Expectations." As much as I hate to admit it, I'm built around judgement and expectation. I "expected" class with flow. I "judged" EM for changing the routine because she thought that's what WW does around this time of year. I expect that I will be honest in my practice but I judge myself when I can't execute what I see in my mind and feel in my heart. Peace seems much less exhaustive.

I also had a person next to me who was a teaching/student who was taking class. She was telling me how to pose and where to put my hands and every suggestion was incorrect and set my wrists on fire. EM even came over during one adjustment and told the asst to stop. I know she was trying to help but my perception was different. It didn't feel nurturing.

To make matters worse we were facing each other for some reason which always bites. It's too hard to find Drishti (eye focus) when you're a foot away from two peoples faces. The back of a head doesn't draw near as much energy to the eye as a face.

It did feel amazing to do a lot of the poses and I absolutely need to start practicing everyday again. My body needs it. My poor body.

To my body:

I'm sorry that I treat you so poorly. You may be weak for now but please, please, never give up trying. You make movement and life possible. It's a dishonor to your gift I know, but have mercy because I want you to be my temple.